Start with the Needs of Others

“Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Philippians 2:4 NIV).


If you want to connect with people, you start with their needs, not your own. Start with their hurts, not your own. Start with what they want, not what you want. There’s an old Chinese saying that says this: “Seek to understand before seeking to be understood.”The Bible puts it the same way. You need to be thoughtful of others first and not worry about people understanding you. You try to understand them. That’s how you make that first connection.

Scripture tells us, “Look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Philippians 2:4 NIV). That is such a countercultural verse. From the moment we are born, everything in our culture conditions us to think of ourselves first.

There are two basic truths about life. First, the world does not revolve around you. I know that’s shocking! Yes, you’re special in God’s eyes. Yes, you were created for a purpose. But the world does not revolve around you.

Here’s the second basic truth of life: God has promised that when you focus on meeting the needs of others, he will meet your needs. If you want your needs to be met, start meeting the needs of other people. Why? Because God wants you to learn to be unselfish. He wants you to learn to be loving and generous like he is.

Colossians 3:13 tells us, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (NIV). Part of being considerate of other people’s needs is not expecting them to be perfect—and making allowances for their faults.

Great friends are good forgetters. They forget the bad stuff intentionally. Love forgets mistakes.

A good friend is considerate of the other person’s needs.


“Flirt till the doctor comes”

The playful instinct is something that does not get enough attention with many couples. They flirt with each other as much as Silvio Berlusconi and Queen Elizabeth do. That is a pity because flirting is a big hit, so here is a little training in flirting:

Flirting starts with a look. This leads from an impish smile to a gesture like holding the door open or pulling out the chair. Flirting lives on a play with erotic tensions and what is decisive is body language.

God has given you a beautiful body. When will you finally use it to make your partner lose his/her mind?

Smile at her over dinner today. Wink back at him. Play footsie under the table.

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